she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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