Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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