Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
