is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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