hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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