I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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