took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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