i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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