...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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