you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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