I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
