As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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