I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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