There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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