I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
