We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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