Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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