remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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