That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
