Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
