I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months