ADVERTISEMENT

• (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Fav 278 5111 69885

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Toronto

  she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.

  Fav 27 5499 798

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (740): View more from Ohio

  his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass

  Fav 13 877 6468

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

  Fav 35 4485 1484

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

  Fav 12 3601 1787

  share tweet
  

• (228): View more from Mississippi

  He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.

  Fav 10 1490 3122

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (206): View more from Washington

  I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.

  Fav 3 2638 861

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

  Fav 12 6355 1291

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

  Fav 14 688 1897

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?

  Fav 40 1258 2525

  share tweet
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.

  Fav 3 1123 1535

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (760): View more from California

  I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?

  Fav 1 537 761

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf

  Fav 4 598 606

  share tweet
  

• (316): View more from Kansas

  He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......

  Fav 5 510 933

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (573): View more from Missouri

  Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid. 

  Fav 4 678 626

  share tweet
  

Randomize