The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"