I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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