Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory