dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
