I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
