I want to make a zoo with you.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize