Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
