under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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