When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
