I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
