I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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