Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
