I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize