Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
