I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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