I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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