First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
