so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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