just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
