Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
