that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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