How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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