What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
