but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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