Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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