so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
