So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
