Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize