I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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