I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
