i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
