Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
