I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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