Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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