a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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