too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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