Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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