You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
