So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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