Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
