I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
