I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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