i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
