I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
