he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
