I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
