At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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